Indian’s are Lonely !! Why?

• Exactly! What’s happening?
• Loneliness !! What is it?
• Factors – Why are Indian’s Lonely?
• Repercussions
• Solutions

Exactly! What’s happening?

In the movie “Lunchbox”, the two main characters lead different lives, but share the feeling of loneliness. Irrfan Khan’s character is a widower who is about to retire, having lost his sense of connection and purpose in life. Nimrit Kaur’s character, on the other hand, is married and has a family, but still feels lonely. These two characters illustrate that loneliness can take different forms. I’m sharing this with you because an article in the Hindustan Times in 2021 stated that loneliness is the biggest mental health challenge, after stress. Loneliness. Some may argue that this is not India’s problem but rather a problem in Western countries such as America. India has a population of millions, with schools and streets filled with crowds of people. So, how can Indians be lonely?

However, loneliness doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of people around you. It means lacking meaningful social connections with your loved ones, and this can happen even in a crowd of millions. According to a global survey in 2021, 43% of Indians feel lonely. India ranked third, right after Brazil and Turkey. This is not only an issue for the elderly, as around 25% of children aged 13-15 also feel lonely. In an interview, Adil, a 25-year-old, stated that he doesn’t open up to his parents because he knows they won’t understand him. He added that sometimes even his friends don’t understand him, increasing loneliness. His mother calls him “moody,” which doesn’t help. Therefore, the question is, why do Indians feel so lonely? And, more importantly, how can we solve this problem? This is crucial because you or someone you know may be experiencing this issue.

Loneliness !! What is it?

India is facing a serious problem of loneliness, which is also known as hikikomori. The term hikikomori is a Japanese word which means an extreme form of loneliness. Loneliness is a bad experience when a person’s social relationships are deficient, either in terms of quantity or quality. According to a paper in Indian Psychology, loneliness has three aspects – the first is unpleasant feelings, the second is the perception of being alone, and the third is the deficiency in desired relationships. Dr. Vivek Murthy, a surgeon general in the US, compares loneliness to the feeling of being hungry or thirsty. Similarly, loneliness is a signal from our body that we should establish better relationships.

CNN News 18 data showed that between 2020 and 2022, more than 28 lakh Indians left the country for work, and more than 7.5 lakh students left the country for higher education in 2022. It’s not just the people who are migrating that feel lonely, but also the people on the other side. Psychiatrists say that when children leave their homes to go to school or work, many parents feel lonely. This is just one of the reasons why Indians are feeling more lonely.

In the past, India was a collectivist society where it was very common to live in a joint family. But this is changing with time. According to a survey in 1998, 23% of Indian families were nuclear, and after 20 years, this number has increased to 58%. This will affect our generation the most. We could depend on our family for our problems. If we got sick, our family could take care of us. But now, there are many people who stay away from their families, whether it’s for their studies or their jobs.

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Factors – Why are Indian’s Lonely?

Many Indians who travel to the United States for education end up feeling lonely, according to a recent study. This loneliness is not limited to those who travel abroad or are wealthy but also affects those who move within the country for work or education. For example, a 22-year-old woman named Richa travelled from Bangalore to Mumbai for work and now feels lonely, often reminiscing about home. Similarly, when children leave their homes for school or work, many parents also feel lonely. This is because the family structure in India has changed from a collectivist society with joint families to one where nuclear families are more common. This transition has caused many people to move away from their families for work or studies.

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The changing family structure has also resulted in increased loneliness among the elderly, with 50% of them living alone in India, according to an article from the Economic Times in 2017. Loneliness is a significant problem in urban areas, where there is no societal connection even though we live in big towers with CCTV cameras.

There is a growing problem of overworking in India, as shown by a graph indicating that Indians are working more hours compared to the 1970s. In 2019, an average Indian worked approximately 2100 hours, which is 25% more than the average Japanese worker. Despite the common belief that Japanese work more, a survey revealed that Indian millennials work more than their Chinese, American, and British counterparts, with an average of 52 hours per week, translating to nine hours of work per day from Monday to Saturday. This situation leads to an imbalance between work and personal life, as exemplified by Hyderabad software engineer S Srinivas, who has to work on weekends and holidays despite working for five years in a multinational corporation. Srinivas’ experience is not unique as 67% of Indian professionals think about work even when they’re not working. Research shows that the more one works, the fewer social connections they have, which leads to feelings of loneliness.

Moreover, loneliness is not limited to working professionals. Subhash, a restaurant worker in Chennai, earns only Rs. 3,000 a month and has to endure the same loneliness due to his long working hours. His co-workers and boss often bother him, which makes it hard for him to spend quality time with his family. Technology, which enables communication with loved ones, is also a source of loneliness for many people. For instance, 25-year-old Madhav, an introvert since childhood, spends most of his time on Twitch, a game streaming platform, instead of interacting with his family and friends. Although he finds solace in technology, he fails to realize that it reduces his socialization.

Finally, entertainment has changed drastically, thanks to the personalization of platforms like Netflix. While people may enjoy binge-watching their favorite shows, they end up reducing their socialization. Social media platforms further exacerbate loneliness by increasing the fear of missing out (FOMO). Many people feel left out when they see others enjoying themselves on social media, and this leads to increased loneliness. In a social media survey conducted by a Jaipur NGO, 57% of the respondents said they hadn’t met a friend in two weeks, and 60% felt alone. Despite feeling connected to numerous people on social media, people are not genuinely connected.

Repercussions

As human beings, we need meaningful social connections to thrive. Online communities are great, but they can never replace the value of strong relationships. Loneliness, which has both mental and physical impacts, is a growing concern. Did you know that loneliness has a health impact similar to smoking 15 cigarettes a day? It’s true. Loneliness increases cortisol levels in our bodies, which is a stress hormone. This damages our immunity and increases the chances of health risks. Furthermore, loneliness activates areas of the brain that activate when we experience physical pain. It also increases the risk of a heart attack or stroke by 30%. Loneliness can also have a significant impact on mental health, causing anxiety and panic attacks. Elderly people are at risk of dementia when they are alone, which reduces their ability to remember and think. It’s clear that loneliness is a serious problem. Psychotherapist Chetna Duggal explains it best using the example of porcupines. When porcupines come close to each other, they can injure each other, and when they go far away, they can get sick due to the cold. Similarly, when we get too close, it creates many problems like families not giving children independence. On the other hand, going far away from our families also creates problems, like loneliness. It’s time for us to take loneliness seriously and make meaningful social connections a priority.

Solutions

Loneliness is a significant issue, and the question is how to overcome it. The first step to solve any problem is to acknowledge it. Unfortunately, our society often overlooks discussing such problems. People are afraid of being judged and labelled as ‘crazy’ if they admit to feeling lonely. This fear makes it harder for people to seek help. In India, there is little discussion about loneliness, and there are no proper statistics or research on it. This lack of awareness leads to confusion, and people don’t know where to turn for assistance.

For example, Prashant Nagraj, a 28-year-old IT professional, talked to his friend about his loneliness, and his friend told him to just “chill.” However, we know that simply relaxing won’t resolve the problem. Often, people require professional help to deal with loneliness, which can be a challenging issue to overcome.

In India, 90% of people earn less than Rs 25,000 a month, and they must work long hours to meet their basic needs. It is not possible to ask them to stop working. While rich people can come up with innovative solutions, such as the Iranian startup ElliQ’s social robots for keeping elderly people company, we must ask ourselves whether these solutions will solve the problem.

In such situations, non-governmental organizations (NGOs) can provide assistance. The Dignity Foundation, for example, offers counselling services for elderly people experiencing loneliness. They also publish a magazine that allows senior citizens to contribute articles.

It’s essential that we take the initiative to create communities. One way to do this is by choosing activities we enjoy and setting up communities around them, such as badminton, chess, art, or animal care. In the movie “Lunchbox,” Saajan and Ela found a genuine connection when they began exchanging letters. We all can aspire to such authentic human connections.